My wife’s birth control did a weird thing in the bedroom. But we found a way to make a game of it.

Each month, How to Do It columnists Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak ask readers for their thoughts on the letters they’ve received. In this edition, Jessica replies to readers’ comments and suggestions below.

Hey How to Do It, 

Re The IUD Poke: The IUD poke is definitely real. My wife has had one for years, and I get poked from time to time. Also, she used to have a NuvaRing, and I could definitely feel that, but it wasn’t painful and, in fact, was kind of pleasurable. It would occasionally get wrapped around me and come out, but it was no big deal—we’d just pop it back in. You can even make a game of it when it happens, if you’re into that…

—The IUD Poke Is Real

Thank you for adding your experience of this prick-poking problem, especially the details about what the NuvaRing felt like. I do wish you’d included a description of how inserting or repositioning the Nuva can turn into a game, but I’m having plenty of fun imagining it regardless.

Hey How to Do It, 

Re Delulu in Honolulu: The writer might want to read up on the phenomenon of “maladaptive daydreaming,” on which there’s starting to be a pretty strong literature as well as a lot of online forums for support, both informal and formal. I’ve long struggled with similar issues—though my daydreams can take both sexual and non-sexual forms—and I generally find it manageable in daily life. Mostly.

But every now and then, I plunge into a really distracting, immersive episode like the one the letter writer describes, where I’m avoiding interactions and obligations in my real life to escape to my dream world instead. I find it’s often triggered by underlying loneliness, depression (I had one such episode during the first pandemic summer, for example), anxiety, or something like that, which indeed would be worth exploring with a therapist, though I’ve never tried it myself.

—Could Help!

Checking out while operating a piece of large machinery, like Delulu in Honolulu describes in regard to driving their car, has a chance of causing physical harm to the writer or innocent bystanders, which is significant enough to bear consideration with more weight than when it affects, say, being present in a conversation or following through on doing the dishes. Thanks for mentioning the language they can use to search for more information on this issue—here’s hoping it enables Honodelulu to connect more efficiently to resources that can help them get control of their thoughts.

Hey How to Do It, 

Re Trying to Be a Size Queen for Him: For the writer who is trying to be a size queen for Zack, if the issue is girth, using a dildo smaller than her partner’s member before insertion can help to get warmed up. Considering it takes 30 minutes to get there, using one or two props after an orgasm seems logical and could take 10 to 15 minutes instead. It can be very enjoyable to have a partner use a toy on you, which is a bit of a tease for the real thing. If the cervix is being bumped and the OhNut isn’t working for him, sex pillows and using different angles can make a difference.

—Tricks for a Size Queen

Yep, toys are another method people often use to loosen an orifice up.

Hey How to Do It, 

Re Slip ‘N Slide: At 71, I have always found that the problem of the overly wet woman can best be solved by keeping a supply of cotton hankies in the bedside stand to use to blot up some wetness. Every partner I have explained this to was happy with the solution. Just order a new dozen white ones as needed. Tissues will disintegrate if used.

—Always Carry a Clean Hankie

Cotton hankies are, indeed, a specific type of appropriate object to wipe excess fluids on. Tissues are, too, though, at least in my experience. So I worry that yours might be disintegrating because you’re using a scrubbing motion—vulvas are too delicate to withstand scrubbing from any kind of fabric or paper goods.

Hey How to Do It,

Re Going Down and Getting the Sickness: The man who has been having nasal issues when giving oral sex to his wife may have a runny nose (and sinus secretions?) as part of his arousal. My wife has gotten a runny nose at a certain level of arousal for many years. I thought I had a great case report for the medical literature, but I found it had been previously reported.

—Fascinating

The research paper and VeryWell Health article I linked to both lay out a myriad of possibilities for what the writer is experiencing, and the latter mentions “honeymoon rhinitis,” which sounds close to what you describe. Bodies are so wild that I’m sure even the two resources combined are not exhaustive.

As for that link between runny noses and arousal, the writer says he has sex about two to three times a month, but is offered (and takes) the opportunity to give his wife oral sex about once a month, and the sinus symptoms sound like they’re tied to giving oral but not to sex without giving oral. I’d be curious to know whether our writer is more aroused when giving oral than having other types of sex. Also, whether there’s a lot of nose-mashing involved with the way he gives and his wife receives. Both could be factors at play.

—Jessica

More Advice From Slate

I’m a 33-year-old man. I realized/admitted to myself that I was bi after I first started dating my now-wife (also 33) seven years ago. We took a break early in our relationship for about a year because of unrelated life events, but because of the circumstances, I wasn’t really able to explore my newly realized sexuality. I only hooked up with one guy during that period and it wasn’t super great, honestly.