Maybe Don’t Use A Snowblower To Clean Off Your Car

It’s past the middle of January, which means that if you’re far enough north, you’re likely currently surrounded by eleventy billion tons of fluffy white nonsense. Mother Nature’s landlord special, just coat everything white. Look, you can only shovel so much and power-wash a daily driver so many times until you start to get grumpy counting down the days until your summer toy can come out to play. You might even start to take shortcuts, like not shovelling off that unused portion of driveway. However, there’s one shortcut you should never take, and that’s using a snowblower to clean off your car.

It’s an absurd premise. Back in the days of dial-up, the only useful snowblowers around were gasoline-powered. Not only were they heavy enough to throw your back out if you tried lifting them several feet in the air, but they’d cave in even the skateboard-thick sheetmetal of a chrome-bumpered yank tank if you succeeded at hoisting one onto a hood. However, modern solutions like powerful electric motors create modern problems for the rash and hasty, as one individual in Ontario going by the Instagram handle jacobsgoldenn seems to have found out.

The hapless victim of these antics is a facelifted E90 BMW 3 Series, as evidenced by the elephant ear mirrors and bumper-mounted amber retroreflectors. What you’re about to watch is unquestionably cringeworthy, tempered only by the knowledge that the xDrive badge on the fender indicates this will likely eventually be a parts car to keep rear-wheel-drive examples alive. The weapon of choice? Some sort of corded electric snow-thrower, I guess.

Yep, that device is supposed to be used on the ground, not on a car. Spinning blades aren’t good for the paint or panels, and that’s before you get into what an impact from them could potentially do to glass, or how they might pull wiper blades clean off of their mounts. Indeed, the caption on the video is “POV: you cracked your windshield with the snowblower.” Setting aside how nobody on social media seems to know what “POV” means anymore, you can probably guess what sort of shot comes next.

Hey, there’s supposed to be a wiper blade there. Where’d that go? Might it have been consumed by the snow blower? I don’t know, but the clips that hold these wiper blades on require a sort of lever motion to remove. It’s not horribly difficult to guess what may have removed that clip.

Oh, and would you look at that, cracks radiating out from roughly where the edge of the wiper arm would sit on the windscreen. Is it possible this is all just ragebait and the windshield was already cracked? Look at that other windscreen crack, you be the judge. Mind you, something tells me the extra carnage might not have been expected. After all, who carries around spare E90 wiper clips?

You know what would’ve been easier? Using a brush. Preferably one of those foam snow brushes because they keep performing for absolute ages. I’ve had mine for a decade, and it’s still in service, putting in work. Light, cheap, easy to use, effective, non-windshield-cracking, what more could you want? While I won’t stop you from taking a snowblower to your paint, a foam brush really is the way to go. Just trust me on this one.

Top graphic image: Instagram/jacobsgoldenn