I Guess Taj Prefers Lakes To Bays

Somewhere in India, a man builds a shrine the likes of which have never been seen before — 500 rooms, 1,000s of marble columns, 400 acres wide, 80 stories high. It’s tasteful while opulent. It’s to honor his one true love. When his wife comes home, he shows her his masterpiece that he’s built. “Honey, look at this!” She sees on the uppermost minaret, he’s carved a statue out of granite of Taj Bradley. “It’s my Taj Mah-ace. Do you love it?” He waits. Finally, she replies, “I’m moving in with my sister, Bhutta.” So, going full crazy for your fantasy team might not be advised in India, but here I’m building the shrine! It’s so early to look at peripherals, but eff it, let’s look! 11.9 K/9, 2.2 BB/9, 3.03 xFIP and a 1.08 ERA after going 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks last night vs. the Tigers. Out of all starters, Taj Bradley has some of the best numbers in the early going. If I had him, I’d hold him with both hands (in my recently constructed shrine). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tarik Skubal – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.55. No shrine for you!

Juan Brito – 2-for-4 as he was called up with Gabriel Arias hitting the IL with a strained hamstring. Juan Brito? Interesting. When I want to filter my water, I use Juan Brita. Take it, Highlights, it’s yours! Here’s what Itch said, “2025 was supposed to be Brito’s big moment, or at least his big league debut season, but he broke his thumb on April 17 sliding into third base for Triple-A Columbus. He missed about three months after surgery and then injured his hamstring, had another surgery, and is reportedly ready to play some winter ball. A selective switch-hitter with contact skills from both sides, the 6’ 202 pound Brito slashed .256/.365/.443 with 21 home runs and 13 stolen bases in 144 Triple-A games during the 2024 season. He struck out just 105 times (16.1%) against 88 walks (13.5%). With a middle infield of Gabriel Arias and Brayan Rocchio, Cleveland remains a land of opportunity for anyone who can hit, so Brito should finally get his chance to carve out some playing time in spring training. Trouble is, of course, Bazzana will be right there with him. And I will be right there with nunchucks for Grey.” What? Brito looks AL-Only for now, but the hit tool could play for mixed.

Gavin Williams – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (5 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 2.04. The five walks don’t even do it justice how all over the map his pitches were. Caglianone alone — Cagialone? — had to swing at 15 balls out of the zone.

Carter Jensen – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in two games. Someone aim the Two Italians on the Royals’ bench towards the plate when Jensen is batting so they remember what to do. Or maybe the Two Italians should have some espresso.

Noah Cameron – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.69. He looked much better than Gavin Williams, and his line looks lesser than. Shows you how important it is to watch the games. [knock on the door, opens door] “Nerd!”

Addison Barger – Hit the IL. Well, he finally hit something.

Cody Ponce – Will undergo season-ending surgery, after injuring himself in his 1st start. Terrible time to do an impersonation of Aaron Rodgers’s time with the Jets.

Alejandro Kirk – Will miss six weeks after thumb surgery. Jays should’ve pushed Opening Day until mid-May.

Kevin Gausman – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.08. People wanting to bench him yesterday? I smell chicken, and chicken smells of Drakkar Noir aftershave.

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.50. He seems totally fine. Good even. Fine, excellent! (Am I trying to jinx him? Me? Never!)

Brendan Donovan – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer. “Check out this guy, expending all his energy, not waiting for the season to start.” That’s JRod thinking the season starts in July.

George Kirby – 8 IP, 3 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.60. M’s have a bunch of aces, who so far have pitched like number 4’s, until tonight. That’s right, be better, be Kirby!

Nathan Eovaldi – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 7.98. Gonna have to ask you to get your hands inside, we’re about to shut the Buy Low window.

Jakob Junis – 1 IP, 0 ER, 0.00 ERA and his 2nd straight save. For some unknown reason, the Rangers have decided Junis is their closer. Well, whatever the case, grab him.

Austin Hays – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. Shame he can’t stay on the field. He couldn’t have a strong opportunity in the White Sox lineup since there’s no else there. I mean, besides Derek Hill, of course. Now you have to guess if I made up that name.

Brooks Baldwin – Out the remainder of the season, after internal brace surgery. Damn, the one good Baldwin brother. Luisangel Acuña should receive more playing time for AL-Only’ers.

Shane Smith – 3 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 5 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 10.80. An emoji trying to smile, “At least there were eight strikeouts.”

Zach Eflin – Moved to the 60-day IL, due to his elbow. He’s also headed for a 2nd opinion. No one’s ever received a positive 2nd opinion.

Trevor Rogers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.89. Annoyed at myself for not drafting Rogers in any leagues. He looked incredible last year, there was no reason to be as hesitant as I was.

Gunnar Henderson -2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, 2nd in as many games, third homer in five games. Please stay healthy and make my regret for missing on Yordan just a little bit less profound.

Hunter Brown – Will miss at least three weeks with a Grade 2 shoulder strain. Welp, see ya at the All-Star break.

Christian Walker – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, 3rd in four games. He’s going to be in this week’s Buy, which will be on Patreon in a few hours.

Willi Castro – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. I need him to fill in for Juan Soto on my team, he can do that right? [a thousand-year pause] Right?

Mickey Moniak – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and that’s in the last two games. Hot schmotato alert? Sure, I guess, but also just rosterable.

Jorge Soler – 1-for-1, 2 RBIs and a slam (2) and punches (3).

*record scratch* you might be wondering how I got here

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— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) April 7, 2026 at 8:37 PM

Reynaldo Lopez – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.15. Pretty annoyed he was tossed from the game. Soler charged him and started Tyson’ing him like they were in Dapper Dan’s and Lopez was Mitch Green. Not sure what Lopez was supposed to do. Duck and run straight to centerfield? He’s bound to get suspended too for doing literally nothing.

Ozzie Albies – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Somehow, I have leagues where Albies is my top power guy. I did not draft it to be anywhere close to that.

Robbie Ray – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.08. Watched a chess doc last night on Netflix about a chess player who used anal beads to cheat and I thought, “Robbie Ray could never.”

Daniel Susac – 3-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs. Might (should) be playing himself into my playing time.

Cristopher Sanchez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 11 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.65. Ah, yes, I recognize that line. The ol’ “throw a ball outside the zone once in a while, would ya?”

Sandy Alcantara – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.74. His stuff looks like “possible no-hitter every time out” stuff. Can I bet Alcantara will start the NL All-Star Game? Can I bet a nickel on that? Can I bet you think I mean five hundred dollars when I said a nickel when I actually meant five cents?

Jakob Marsee – 2-for-4, 1 run and 4 steals (2, 3, 4, 5). Marsee? More like Iseesteals! Marsteals? SeeMarrun? Ya know what, you get it.

Andrew Abbott – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.18. He actually looked a bit better than his line. Perhaps Abbott was distracted not knowing who was covering first.

Paul Skenes – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.25. Livvy should leave him.

Nick Pivetta – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.54. Livvy should not leave Skenes for Pivetta.

Xander Bogaerts – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Padres should extend him five more years.

Jacob Misiorowski – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 10 Ks, ERA at 3.31. I have The IO Update, so I hope no teams are reading this, but I’m kinda surprised more players don’t go up there like Ceddanne Rafaela did in the 3rd and just take as many pitches as it takes until you’re walked. His stuff is nasty, but he has little idea where it’s going.

Garrett Crochet – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.12. He looks like he’s still finding it. “It” being “excellence.”

James Wood – 2-for-4, 3 runs and a slam (4) and legs (1) and 3rd homer in three games. You traded Wood for Trea Turner after the first two games of the season? Oops!

Curtis Mead – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (1). Could we have the most random Slam & Legs of the year happen only 11 games into the season? It’s gonna be hard to top this one. Maybe if Sal Perez gets one. Otherwise, I’m not sure Mead can be out-randomed.

Nathan Church – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Church homered in our nation’s capital. How about some separation here, man?

Matthew Liberatore – 5 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38. It’s very early to look at peripherals, but his are barf-inducing. Libarfatore, one might say (if one were walking out a room of people they would never see again).

Jordan Walker – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. [sobbing uncontrollably] Thank you! Thank you! Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

Cam Schlittler – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.62. On this week’s podcast, BDon and I go over some pitchers to buy or sell and we both agreed Schlittler was a sell.

Amed Rosario – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. That sound is one hand high-fiving itself as the only person to roster Amed in any leagues.

Aaron Civale – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Civale out-pitching Schlittler is why they play the games. “Can they not play the games and just, like, Stratomatic them or something?” That’s Schlittler’s owners.

Mark Leiter Jr. – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 10.38. Really shouldn’t be anywhere near the 9th, but no one on the A’s should.

Carlos Santana – Hit the IL with an adductor strain. That’s gonna hurt the world tour. DBacks have some interesting NL-Only fill-ins (Tim Tawa, Ildemaro Vargas, Luken Baker, Jose Fernandez). Vargas is likely favorite, and all are zero dollar bids.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-5, 1 RBI. Any of the ex-players on Fox Sports (Arod, Ortiz, Pujols, etc) could hit better than Arenado right now.

Zac Gallen – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.00. Pretty sure he threw more balls on two strikes than anyone ever. What’s the opposite of put-away? That’s Gallen.

Freddy Peralta – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.80, and lifted with a shutout at 101 pitches, but the bases were loaded and all runs came in. Having a hard cap at 100 pitches is so dumb. There’s different levels of how stressful those pitches are. “MLB managers be less dumb” Challenge: Impossible.

Drew Rasmussen – Scratched from his start as his wife is delivering their baby. Their being him and Pete Fairbanks.

Moises Ballesteros – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. There’s pitchers who have more appearances than Ballesteros.

Pete Crow-Armstrong – 3-for-5, 3 runs and a slam (1) and legs (4). See, you mock a guy and he does well the next day. That’s just science! His homer was off a four-seamer; his 2nd since the All-Star break last year.

Javier Assad – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks, as he was called up to replace Horton. You can’t be Syria-ous with that start, Assad! So, he’s never been a huge strikeout guy. His strikeouts are actually hilariously terrible (projected 7 K/9), but he’s always managed to have a decent ERA (3.43 ERA in 331 career innings), in spite of his peripherals. Mostly a Streamonator call or a deep league one (15 team or deeper).

Cade Horton – Will have season-ending surgery on his UCL, according to reports. Reports is currently trying to trade Horton in its dynasty league with a leaguemate who is out of the country on business. Not cool, Reports.