6 Somatic Exercises To Try Mid Fight To Avoid Acting Like A Dysregulated Jerk

We’ve all been there. Whether it’s a fight with a partner or a tense moment with a co-worker, something gets triggered and suddenly it feels like your nervous system has been hijacked. You say or do something you regret later and think: How could I have handled that better?

The frustrating part is that trying to “think” your way through it in the moment often doesn’t work.

“When you’re mid-fight and your nervous system is flooded, your rational brain is offline,” Erica Schwartzberg, somatic therapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy, told HuffPost. “That’s why ‘just calm down’ or ‘let’s talk about this rationally’ doesn’t work. You have to regulate your body first. Then your brain comes back online, and you can have a productive conversation.”

But when you’re already dysregulated, it helps to adjust your expectations. As Toni Teixeria, licensed clinical social worker at Strong at the Core Counseling, put it, “When you are already dysregulated, it is often hard to get regulated.” The goal isn’t instant calm. It’s to “bring your thinking brain back online so that you can make the best choice in the situation.”

That’s why simple actions matter. In the middle of a fight, “doing small things is best,” she said, especially because “doing something complicated or forgetting what to do may increase your frustration.”

And importantly, this isn’t about suppressing what you feel. As Schwartzberg noted, “These exercises aren’t about suppressing your feelings or ‘being nice’ when you’re legitimately hurt or angry. They’re about creating enough space between stimulus and response so you can choose how to express yourself instead of just reacting.”

Below are a few quick, physical ways to shift your state just enough to move from reacting to responding.

This might seem almost too simple, but it’s powerful. By taking a step back in the middle of a conflict, Teixeria said, “You are physically changing your position to move into a safer state.” It becomes a literal cue to your body that “you don’t need to fight.”

This simple movement can soften the body’s impulse to stay in “fight” mode by signaling that you don’t need to engage at full intensity.

“Research on ‘psychological distancing’ shows that stepping into more of an observer perspective can support emotional regulation,” Teixeria explains. “Creating even a small amount of physical space between you and the stressor gives you a chance to shift your perspective and interrupt the stress cycle, which may help dial down the surge of stress chemicals keeping you in a heightened, reactive state.”

Schwartzberg calls this her favorite, and for good reason.

The practice is simple, and maybe a little fun. “Relax your lips and blow air through them so they vibrate/flutter (like a horse snorting or making a ‘brrrr’ sound).” Let your face soften and continue for a few seconds.

What’s happening underneath is surprisingly powerful. As Schwartzberg explains, “This technique releases tension in your face and jaw,” which are two places we instinctively tighten during conflict. When those muscles soften, it sends a bottom-up signal of safety to your nervous system.

There’s also a neurological component. According to Schwartzberg, the vibration stimulates the vagus nerve through the facial muscles while creating a gentle “pattern interrupt.” In other words, it disrupts the escalation loop just enough to give you a reset.

And then there’s the human element. “It’s nearly impossible to stay furious while making horse noises,” she said. That tiny moment of absurdity can add just enough lightness to break the intensity.

This one might require you to step out of the room for a moment, but can be incredibly effective.

Basically, according to Schwartzberg, you’re going to physically shake your hands, arms, legs, or whole body for 10 to 30 seconds. “Let it be loose, floppy, and uncontrolled,” she said.

Why does it work? “When you’re in fight-or-flight, your body is flooded with stress hormones (cortisol, adrenaline) and physical tension. Animals in the wild literally shake after a threat to discharge that energy as a trauma release,” Schwartzberg explains. “Humans need to do this too, but we’ve been socialized to ‘hold it together.’”

Shaking does the opposite, said Schwartzberg, because “it completes the stress cycle your body started,” allowing that activation to move through instead of getting stuck.

A sigh is more than just an expression ― it’s also a reset. “Sighing tends to reset your nervous system,” Teixeira explains, especially because it creates “a longer exhale which helps your parasympathetic nervous system to begin to settle you down.”

Physiologically, “a long, audible exhale helps your heart rate to slow down,” activating the vagus nerve ― your body’s internal calming system ― and helping shift you out of fight-or-flight.

One practical note: Sighing can be misinterpreted. People might confuse your sighing for frustration, which is why Teixeira suggests naming it so it doesn’t escalate things, letting the other person know you’re taking a pause rather than expressing annoyance.

Coming from her work as an EMDR therapist, Schwartzberg said this one is especially useful when conflict feels emotionally overwhelming.

The setup: “Cross your arms over your chest… and slowly alternate tapping your shoulders (left, right, left, right).”

The butterfly hug uses “bilateral stimulation, alternating left-right tapping, to calm the amygdala (your brain’s fear and threat-detection center), and helps the left and right hemispheres of the brain reconnect,” Schwartzberg explains.

In a dysregulated state, those systems aren’t communicating well, said Schwartzberg, because our thinking brain and emotional brain aren’t linking up. The rhythmic left-right tapping helps restore that connection.

There’s also a deeply human layer to it, too. The motion “mimics being rocked or held, which is deeply soothing to your nervous system,” she said. “Especially if you’re feeling attacked or alone in the conflict.”

According to Teixeria, conflict narrows your focus. “When there is [perceived] danger we are locked on it,” she said. And in an argument, that “danger” becomes the other person, and can easily dysregulate our nervous system.

That’s where orienting comes in. “Looking around is a way to send signals to your nervous system that you are safe,” she explains. By scanning your environment, you interrupt that tunnel vision and remind your brain this isn’t a life-or-death situation. You might even repeat: “I am in a room with four walls and a ceiling, not in a life-or-death struggle.”

This, Teixeria said, helps your brain recognize that you’re safe, so you can actually step out of survival mode.