Forgetting names, smartphones, and aging: How they’re linked

For most of my life, I’ve had a superpower: the ability to recall names. As a coach of youth sports, I could memorize 12 names within minutes of the first practice. Parents thought I was a caring coach for this party trick. Now, at 52, it’s my kryptonite, and I live in fear of getting things wrong. After all, not “bothering” to remember somebody’s name is considered rude.

But here’s the cold, hard reality: In our 30s and 40s, certain areas of our brains start to shrink. By the time you’re my age, you might be starting to forget names, too. Fortunately, there are some things we can do.

Trouble remembering names is “one of the most common complaints as people get older,” says Rebecca Amariglio, a neuropsychologist and associate professor in neurology at Harvard Medical School. (This doesn’t mean we’re on the road to dementia, she says.)

Middle age often presents a cocktail of social pressure that brings fatigue and stress — the peak of one’s career, raising kids, caring for aging parents, for example. It’s no wonder we’re more forgetful, says Amariglio.

For middle-aged women, tack on brain fog that can come with perimenopause and menopause, and well, it’s not easy.

To be clear, I generally feel sharp and can easily recall my classmates’ names from elementary school. It’s the regions of my brain responsible for short-term memory retrieval that are betraying me.

Technologies such as smartphones aren’t helping. After all, why bother to commit anything to memory if our phone is always within reach?

All of that screen time is also activating “dozens of unrelated semantic networks in your brain, creating confusion and reduced cognitive capacity more generally,” says Cal Newport, a professor of computer science at Georgetown University and author of Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.

The research in this area is still young, but studies show a correlation between high mobile technology use and lower executive functioning, which includes working memory.

But here’s a silver lining: “If the smartphone is playing a role here, it’s unlikely permanent,” says Jay Olson, a postdoctoral fellow in the department of psychology at the University of Toronto Mississauga who studies smartphone addiction. “More generally, time without technology can improve attention. Spending time in nature or practicing sustained attention by reading books or meditating can help.”

In short, it’s a good idea to get off our phones.

Newport advises deleting phone apps to avoid temptation, setting aside time to be on our computers rather than being tethered to our phones, and keeping phones in another room when at home.

Olson suggests making the phone a bit harder to use — for instance, adding a passcode rather than using face ID. “Even little frictions can help break habits,” he says.

Kicking my digital addiction is still a work in progress, but my wife and I are trying. (She would argue I could try harder.) A few months ago, we started playing a game: challenging ourselves not to reflexively reach for our phones to answer any question that might come up.

Yes, it can take us a few minutes to remember “What’s her name in what was that movie again?” but eventually we get there, and it’s like winning trivia night when we do.

Maybe I’m deluding myself, but the more I unplug, the more I feel like I’m getting in better memory shape.

I’ve tried other hacks, including one from the popular mentalist Oz Pearlman. His simple advice when you meet somebody new: “Listen, repeat, reply.”

After listening, repeat the person’s name and reply using their name, Pearlman said on the podcast The Diary of a CEO. I’ve tried it. It’s not a guarantee, but it definitely helps.

Pearlman may not be a scientist, but his advice squares with what neurologists say. Through repetition, we’re trying to shift that new name into our brain’s longer-term memory storage banks, where it’s easier to retrieve. Another trick is to make an association with a famous athlete or a friend, then repeat this in your head.

There’s also the standard medical advice: getting enough sleep and exercise, and challenging your brain to stay intellectually stimulated. I’m trying to read more books on paper, do the occasional jigsaw puzzle, and play more guitar.

Finally, some big-picture advice from the memory experts: When it comes to forgetfulness, be more forgiving of ourselves. And others.

There’s a guy, about my age, who I chat with at the local lake where we let our dogs swim during the summer. We’ve reintroduced ourselves at least five times now (I do know his dog is Benjamin), and neither of us seems terribly offended by the “oops-I-forgot-yet-again” dance. It’s not the end of the world. Regardless, with some extra effort, I’m determined to stick the landing this year.

No scientists have called me yet to check whether my name recollection is in fact improving, but I can say this with certainty: I’m better off trying. If nothing else, strumming my guitar has been way more enjoyable than endlessly scrolling.

Got a memory tip that works for you? Post it in the comments section.

Jason Margolis can be reached at [email protected].