Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My wife is causing a family rift over something I think she is blowing way out of proportion. My brother “Caleb” took our two boys, ages 6 and 9, out for the day last Saturday while we attended a friend’s engagement party.
Caleb ended up taking the kids to a haunted house attraction, and our younger son got a little freaked out and has been afraid to sleep in his room by himself since. My wife is furious with Caleb and says she’s never letting him watch the kids again. I think this is going much too far and that our younger son will get over it. Any suggestions on getting her to see reason?
—Haunted House Hissy Fit
Dear Haunted House Hissy Fit,
I get both of your perspectives here. Your wife is likely frustrated by having to now deal with your younger son’s fears from something he didn’t have to be exposed to in the first place. And you, knowing your brother, understand that he was just in fun uncle mode: taking his nephews to do something he thought was entertaining—maybe even something he loved when he was a kid himself.
The key here, and what was missing, is communication. If your wife had known beforehand that Caleb was taking your sons to a haunted house, and then your younger son returned thoroughly spooked, it would be a different story. It would be something you both were aware of as his parents, and had the option to veto beforehand. Caleb didn’t give either of you that option. So, acknowledge her feelings, apologize, and remind her how important it is that your sons have a good relationship with other adults in their family, like your brother. Agree that in the future, you’ll make sure you both are in the loop about any new experiences. Good luck!
—Arionne
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