There are certain things you just can’t do in the suburbs. My wife might harm the neighbors.

Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

My wife and I live in a suburban neighborhood, and she has, of late, gotten an asinine (and I think potentially dangerous) idea into her head.

She wants to take up beekeeping in our backyard! There are lots of kids in the neighborhood, and the houses don’t have more than 15 or so feet between them. I think having a swarm of bees flying about the neighborhood is a safety risk. My wife is already fantasizing about producing her own honey and is refusing to listen to my pleas for her to take my concerns into account. How do I get her to see she’s asking for it?

—Un-Beelievable

Dear Un-Beelievable,

This is probably a fine hobby. Suburban beekeeping brings many people a lot of pleasure without causing big problems for their neighbors.

At least according to Reddit’s r/Beekeeping community, where several people have made posts about suburban beekeeping that have inspired a large handful of encouraging comments, including this one, from a user called GranolaHippie, which actually suggested that it’s a positive for the neighbors (a sentiment echoed by other users, too):

“My beehives are in my front yard since my backyard is all shade. Can’t hide them. I live on a cul-de-sac, so I wrote up a little info sheet about honeybees and gave each house one. They were all excited (minus one house) for the bees. Every time I harvest, I give them each a jar of honey. My neighbors have really loved having the bees, although they go into one guy’s pool now and again. He’s cool with it, though. And the gardeners are stoked to have the bees since their plants have yielded better since the bees came.”

There are also some tips and tricks about how to create a specific setup that will encourage the bees to stay where you want them. I saw something about avoiding swarms, which seemed important, but I didn’t dive into all the details to avoid nightmares. Depending on where you live, you may need a permit and should look into your local laws. Something like this guide from the Colorado State Beekeepers Association on best practices for urban, suburban and small scale beekeeping is worth checking out.

So it seems there are actions your wife would need to take to ensure she is being considerate and safe, but that applies to most things in life, including having a swimming pool or a dog. It’s all pretty manageable with enough time, thought, and care. My concern is, why didn’t your wife know all this? The fact that she is refusing to listen to your concerns instead of addressing them with her own very basic research tells me she may be going into beekeeping unprepared. So instead of begging her to cancel the plan and expressing alarm about the neighbor kids getting stung, just ask her a lot of questions about how it will work, to encourage her to find out the answers for herself.

Dear Prudence,

I follow a vegan diet, but I am the only one of my friends, family, and professional partners who does. I have been invited to several dining outings—one at a fine dining French restaurant (no-substitution tasting menus, yikes) and a few casual lunches—where I want to attend to support or participate, but I’m almost certain I can’t eat what’s being served. Especially if it’s an expensive meal on someone else’s tab, how do I gracefully excuse myself from items that I can’t eat, without becoming a pariah?

—Here for the Company, Not the Food

Dear Here for the Company,

A bit of self-deprectation will go a long way here. If you want to skip the event altogether, say, “I would love to, but because I’m vegan, my experience is that it kind of ruins the mood when everyone’s trying to enjoy a great meal with a fixed menu. Could we get a coffee instead?” Or if you really need to be present at the event, say this the first time someone mentions that you’re passing on the beef: “I dread being that vegan person who goes on and on about what to eat, so do me a favor and ignore my plate so I don’t annoy everyone! Plus, I love bread and iced tea.”

Then be ready with some good conversation topics and an extra dose of charm to make up for any weirdness your diet (which isn’t actually weird and shouldn’t bother anyone) causes.

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Dear Prudence,

What do I do when my in-laws do not acknowledge or check in on me after my mother suddenly died? They all claim to be religious but act like it’s life as usual. I had people who I am less close to check in on me frequently. I feel like I have no support from this family. They talk about how family is the most important thing, but when it comes time to show it,  they are uninterested in my well-being.

—Apathetic In-Laws

Dear Apathetic In-Laws,

This is awful behavior. But it doesn’t deserve your attention during this really vulnerable time. Please focus on the love and support of the close and less-close people who have shown that they care about you. Down the road, there may be a time to explore whether your in-laws are uniquely cold to you, or whether they, like many people, struggle to know what to do or say when someone else is struggling.

Classic Prudie

I am currently in a situation with my employer where I am battling a hostile work environment. I have finally decided to look for another job; however, my boss (who is the source of said hostile environment) told me today that she is looking to hire a peer of mine in our industry. Do I warn this person?