Why fear can trigger sexual desire, and what psychologists say about stress, war and
The psychological phenomenon that blurs the line between fear and attraction, and the reason states of stress and existential threat can sometimes intensify the desire for sexual closeness.
Racheli Reuveni, 49, is a clinical social worker and sex therapist. She heads the sex therapy studies program at the University of Haifa and is co-director of the Ema Center for Sexual Therapy and Counseling. She is married with two children and lives in Haifa.
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In threatening situations, a strong physiological response is triggered, rapid heartbeat, fast breathing and adrenaline, symptoms similar to those that also appear during sexual arousal
(Photo: Shutterstock)
Recently, dating site Grindr published a survey in which 82% of users said horror movies cause them sexual arousal. What explains that?
“That survey draws on a psychological phenomenon known as scarousal, a blend of scary arousal. In the 1970s, a classic psychology experiment was conducted in the United States to examine this phenomenon. In the study, two groups of men were asked to cross different bridges. One group crossed a high, shaky and frightening suspension bridge, while the other crossed a low, stable bridge. At the end of the bridge, an attractive female researcher was waiting for them. She asked them to fill out a questionnaire and gave them her phone number in case they wanted to add more information. It turned out that the men who crossed the frightening bridge were much more likely to call her, flirt and even try to ask her out on a date.”
What did the researchers conclude from that?
“The explanation was that in threatening situations, our sympathetic nervous system goes into action and creates a strong physiological response: a rapid heartbeat, quickened breathing and adrenaline. Those physiological symptoms are very similar to the ones that also appear during sexual arousal, so sometimes the brain has difficulty telling them apart.”
So the brain interprets fear as sexual attraction?
“Yes. In psychology, this is called misattribution of arousal, a state in which the body responds to fear, but the brain interprets the feeling as excitement or attraction. There is also what is sometimes described as the cling effect. When we experience fear or threat, we have a natural tendency to seek physical closeness and intimacy with another person, because that closeness calms the body and creates a sense of safety.
“That is why frightening situations, such as watching a horror movie or going through an adrenaline-filled experience, can sometimes create a faster emotional bond between people.”
Is this something that also happens now, during war? Are there people for whom the fear of a missile strike actually causes sexual arousal?
“Absolutely. Some people turn to sexual closeness to release tension and calm down, similar to others who choose sports or another activity to reduce stress. Intimacy releases oxytocin and endorphins, which help the nervous system shift from the alert state of the sympathetic system to activation of the parasympathetic system. They create a sense of safety and emotional shelter, and allow release from the intense tension that has built up. In threatening situations, sexuality can become both a mechanism of emotional survival and an affirmation of life.”
What about people whose sex drive has been harmed since the war began?
“Fear affects sexuality in two ways. It can either accelerate arousal or inhibit it, and that response depends on personality. So if one partner experiences a freeze response and a drop in sexual desire, it is important to accept that without judgment or a sense of rejection.
“For those experiencing a decline in desire, I recommend limiting exposure to the media to the minimum needed to stay safe. At the same time, practicing mindfulness can help reduce anxiety. In a relationship, it is worth creating moments of connection: sitting together, synchronizing your breathing, touching one another. Gentle, soothing touch can develop into sex, but it is important to accept it even when that does not happen and to understand that this is a complicated period.”
Aside from horror movies, is there another way to experience sexual arousal that stems from fear, without being in a situation of real danger?
“It can be experienced through extreme activities that raise the heart rate and adrenaline, such as skydiving or bungee jumping. BDSM can also create arousal through tension and adrenaline, but only if it takes place in a safe setting and environment, with clear expectations coordinated between both sides.”
Sex tip: “If there are gaps in desire, recognize other ways to connect, such as a hug.”
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